Today, A Rant

I have a rant today. There is something that really bothers me that I can't wait to write out and share my feelings about.

However, I have some announcements first. Business, then pleasure, right? Yep.

First off, thank you for reading. I really appreciate the time it takes to read and process what I have to say.

Second, I'm going to be doing a lot of adding and experimenting with my blog page. I'm going to do some research and add a fact page, maybe a message board or chat room. I don't know, though. You're the ones who will(would) be using it... Would you use a message board?

Anyway, point being, I'm going to add some cool stuff that you oughta check out when I get it posted.

Finally, I don't know if the comment thing is amended yet but I'll get there asap.

Now, onto the fun stuff.

Today I was in Drivers' Ed. My teacher showed us a very disturbing video. In fact, I found it on YouTube. The video is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQo64mlNExU

For those of you who may not be able to get this video, I'll describe it for you. You see a car coming toward the camera and it has a red light. As the car reaches the intersection, a motorbike comes flying in. The scooter thing gets blown to bits, the guy goes sprawling up in the air, twisting in various painful-looking ways, spinning, landing on the roof and sliding down to the hood of the car before falling to the ground and landing on his back. It is encouraging to see him move his arms toward the end of the video, but the real stuff happens in the first ten seconds.

I want to know your first reaction when seeing this video. Did you cry? Laugh? Stare in shock and watch it again? Pass it off as one of those things that just happens and exit out of the YouTube tab?

The first reaction of my classmates was to laugh. People were making comments about it and others were chortling, and some were even laughing just at the craziness of the situation.

I had a panic attack.

That guy had to have been in so much pain, and the dumbass who hit him was on his cell phone. Granted, he may have been calling the authorities to get some help for the poor guy on the scooter, but he ran a red light, for goodness sake! The guy on the scooter had to be in so much pain. I could see him move a little later, but he really could have died.

Maybe I'm overreacting here, but laughter is so innapropriate. And before you stick up for the kids and say "Well, maybe it was one of those situations where you don't know how to react so you laugh,", that wasn't it. They were cracking jokes and laughing, like, full out. That disgusts me.

I was thinking about how much that man must've hurt, and they were laughing at the way his body was contorted as he flew. That infuriates me and sickens me to no end. Mirth is not the correct emotion to be feeling when another human being is suffering, no matter who they are!

So I had a panic attack. It wasn't horrible, but I learned that Adavan doesn't work for me at all. )):

This panic attack wasn't really "panicky". I had adrenaline pumping through me, so I couldn't stop shaking. I was freaking out about the poor guy, but I didn't feel scared. Sometimes, that happens. I was nervous and jittery, but not scared. Eventually, the shaking got to the point where it was going to start in my midsection. When I start shaking in my midsection, things get crazy.

Last panic attack I had before this, I shook in my midsection. My body didn't like it, so instead of shaking, I would involuntarily arch my back, twist this way and that, clench my stomach and back muscles so hard it hurt, and basically flail around like a fish out of water. An amusing analogy, but if you picture it, it's quite disturbing.

This one wasn't near so bad. I concentrated on my breathing, which is key. A little later (I'd give a time reference, but when I'm having a panic attack, time is somewhat irrelevant), Mitch came out and sat down next to me. I was still shaking at this point and he gave me his mp3 player to listened to, which helped. I breathed along with the phrases of Linkin Park's Minutes to Midnight CD. Linkin Park is my panic attack band. If I need to calm myself, I listen to them. It's a habit I've cultivated for probably three or four years.

I calmed myself and went back inside. I was able to work the rest of the time on our worksheets.

This really bugged me and I honestly wanted to cry... Really hard. (Instead I had a panic attack... Oh, the life of an anxiety-ridden teenager -.-")

I hope with all my heart and soul that if you're reading this, you're mature enough to see that someone's pain is not pleasureable. Put yourself in their situation. How does it feel good to make someone else suffer? I will never understand.