Beauty

Before getting into what I want to write about tonight, I want to do some housekeeping stuff.

First on the agenda: I've been talking to someone in WQAD News Channel 8 ...thing and so far, so good. I don't know if I'm going to have a segment on the air or anything yet, but it's looking nice. I'm thinkin' 50/50, but the optimist in me says the glass is half full. When Pandora released hope, I [in a previous life] snatched as much as I could hold and hoarded it. I still have lots and lots and lots of hope. xD

Next, I want to thank Dan Ash Photos for the pictures he's going to take later this week. I shall post as soon as I get them! There's a very good chance I may photoshop some messages onto them, depending on how they turn out. (: At times, I can be photogenic. Other times, it's like ...Eew...

Okay, now onto what I wanted to say.

I write a lot about the hardships of being a teenage girl with Anxiety, Depression, and a Panic Disorder. However, tonight I want to share beauty.

Having gone through what I have, I doubt that I will ever take a moment of true happiness for granted. I may not appreciate it in the moment, but I will soak it up and feel the happiness and joy. I won't say, "Wow, this is a good moment. I'm thankful for all of the one's I get." No, true thankfulness of good moments is when you let yourself feel them to the utmost.

Beauty, to me, is sheared of hair with three bald spots. Beauty is seeing green grass and blue sky. Beauty is the storm cloud overhead. Beauty is sitting in a classroom full of kids who all have their distinct group of friends, not knowing anybody, and being able to function without freaking out. Beauty is caffeine in the form of a Chai Latte with cinnamon. (Hot or cold, they're both BEAUTIFUL!)

Beauty is the sea-foam green of Mitch's eyes and the way they crinkle at the corners when he's done something ornery. Beauty is in the curls of Kristen's hair when she just wakes up in the morning. Beauty is David's freak noises. Beauty is Panda's pure, unadulterated love for music. Beauty is when Momma is taking care of a patient and you can feel the concern and love she emanates. Beauty is the smoothness of Chris's skin and the way his voice changes when he talks about something important to him.

Beauty is in the flashing moments when you see something so personal of someone that you have to look away. Beauty is sweat dripping down a farmer's face after a long day in the field. Beauty is in the infinite wisdom hidden behind the eyes of a small child. Beauty is lipstick kisses from Grandma and the expression on Grandpa's face when he looks at her.

Beauty is the purple color of some people's skin. Beauty is the freckles that span from cheekbone to cheekbone. Beauty is the voice of my aunt strumming her guitar and singing. Beauty is the contrast between young and old, dark and light.

Beauty is rolling hills, towering forests, sprawling plains, and looming mountains. Beauty is the smile of a triumphant child. Beauty is the simple meaningfulness of a hug.

Beauty is working your ass of for something you want so bad you can taste it. Beauty is in the sweat, the tears, and the hard work. Beauty is finally achieving your goals. Beauty is taking a stand. Beauty is knowing when to shut up.

Beauty is everything. Having gone through pain and hurt, I can see that. Yes, there is ugly. There is hate and pain and cruelty. But when I'm coherent enough to see the difference, beauty is so much more profound than ugly. Beauty colors my life and my worldview. I urge you all to sit back. Take a minute. Find something small and minute, something you wouldn't have noticed before and see the beauty in it. Find something touching, like Grandma's hands before she died, or the softness of her hair. The beauty of the dust particles swirling through the light beam entering through your window. Find the beauty in something ugly; the eyes of a toad or the bonds that war creates.

I urge you all to make this an exercise you repeat often. Step back from your life and find beauty in something insignificant or ugly. Sometimes, it makes all the difference.