Okay, so it's been a while since I've posted.
*shameface*
Yeah, I know. I'm going to update you now and then pretend like I've been keeping you guys up to date like I should, kay? :)
I was in the hospital for a couple of days, but all I really needed was a med adjustment. One guy really pissed me off - he first told me that I didn't need to be at the hospital, then told me I was an attention seeker, and then made fun of my smile. Like, WTF?! Actually, I shall correct myself. He didn't -tell- me that I didn't need to be in the hospital and that I'm an attention seeker, he told that to a nurse RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. Passive aggressive or what?! Ugh. He did make fun of my smile to my face, though.
ANYWAY. My psychiatrist changed my meds and then let me go. I'll list out my meds and their functions at the end of this post.
So this week has been great. I started by working out, and then I've stayed at school full days TWO DAYS IN A ROW. DUDE. Isn't that crazy?! It's crazy. I've not been able to do that for so long.
Today, I had an appointment with my psychiatrist and she decided to change my diagnosis to Bipolar Disorder. The difference is in how it's treated. I'm kind of in a tough place because I have ADD and Bipolar. The problem is that you don't want to give a person with Bipolar stimulants, which is how you treat ADD. The solution for now is a low-dose of a stimulant along with my regular Bipolar treatment.
Med list:
Zoloft 100mg Once Daily - For depression and helps with my anxiety
Concerta 16mg Once Daily (I think) - For ADD - we just lowered the dose from 36mg
Buspar 10mg Three Times Daily - For my anxiety
Lamictil 50mg Once Daily - Mood Stabilizer to keep my every day mood from bouncing around so much. I'm taking 50 mg for two weeks, and then doubling to 100mg daily
Geodon 60mg Once Daily - Anti-psychiotic to keep me from being manic
Restoril 30mg at night - To help me sleeep. Because I have insomnia problems.
So yeah. It's kind of comforting to know that I've been diagnosed with bipolar. It seems to fit and I think it's the right diagnosis. We'll see how the next couple of weeks go, eh?
OOH! I wanted to say that I've also added exercise to my weekly schedule. OMIGOD. Between my med switch when I was in the hospital and actually getting up and MOVING, I feel so good. Like, exercising has really made that much of a difference. It's insane, in a good way. YEE-HAW! Or something like that lol
So yes. I feel good. I feel really good. I'm going to keep this up because I like feeling good and being happy.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Ugh! Hmph *makes pouty face*
I want to get on here and say something along the lines of, "GUYS! I've been doing so fabulously! I've been taking my meds right and they're working well! I've been making friends again and I really am getting my life straight!"
Buuuut, no.
I was doing really well for a while! I was. But then... I don't know what happened.
It started with a few little problems, and then it turned into a full blown I-think-I'm-going-to-die-let's-go-to-the-ER event. -.-" Yeah, I'm still not happy about that.
So what happened? The short version is this: I flipped. I had a panic attack where I couldn't sit or stand still, I was freaking out, and I irrationally refused to take any medication at home. So we went to the ER. We spent 5 1/2 hrs in the freakin' ER.
Then, I woke up today and I could -not- go to school. My mom called my psychiatrist's office and got me an appointment. She had to work, though, so my dad took me. It was fairly uneventful. The doc ordered a new med for me to help with my sleeplessness and depressive symptoms (which I've been exhibiting again, big time) and upped my anxiety meds.
So now I'm on five different medications. HOPEFULLY this will help me out. I've been taking my meds like I'm supposed to and doing (some of) my relaxation stuff. *shrug* I guess I need to be doing more relaxation stuff, eh? Yeah, I know. *sigh* Okay. I will do more relaxation stuff. I will force myself.
So yeah, that's what's been going on. I'll keep you posted about how these meds work.
OOOH! I want a fishie. So if anyone has a fish they're trying to get rid of or just don't want anymore, I'll take it/them. I want a fishhhhhh. xD
Buuuut, no.
I was doing really well for a while! I was. But then... I don't know what happened.
It started with a few little problems, and then it turned into a full blown I-think-I'm-going-to-die-let's-go-to-the-ER event. -.-" Yeah, I'm still not happy about that.
So what happened? The short version is this: I flipped. I had a panic attack where I couldn't sit or stand still, I was freaking out, and I irrationally refused to take any medication at home. So we went to the ER. We spent 5 1/2 hrs in the freakin' ER.
Then, I woke up today and I could -not- go to school. My mom called my psychiatrist's office and got me an appointment. She had to work, though, so my dad took me. It was fairly uneventful. The doc ordered a new med for me to help with my sleeplessness and depressive symptoms (which I've been exhibiting again, big time) and upped my anxiety meds.
So now I'm on five different medications. HOPEFULLY this will help me out. I've been taking my meds like I'm supposed to and doing (some of) my relaxation stuff. *shrug* I guess I need to be doing more relaxation stuff, eh? Yeah, I know. *sigh* Okay. I will do more relaxation stuff. I will force myself.
So yeah, that's what's been going on. I'll keep you posted about how these meds work.
OOOH! I want a fishie. So if anyone has a fish they're trying to get rid of or just don't want anymore, I'll take it/them. I want a fishhhhhh. xD
Monday, April 11, 2011
Sooo....
So, I know it's been forever, and I'm sorry about that. You guys have been so good to stick with me when I was having rough times, I should do better about informing you when life is going well.
That being said, life is fabulous lately. My panic attacks are being kept to a minimum and I'm going to the regular high school for one class a day. My hair has been growing out and I've had to get it reshaped a couple of times. I had a mullet. It was disgusting, hahaha.
Yeah! I've been playing guitar a lot, which is mega fun. I've been learning a lot of new stuff and writing, although honestly most of my stuff is really depressing. I'm getting there, though. Once I get out of this whole "Being happy is really weird" thing, I'll be able to write about more lighthearted topics.
I've had a couple episodes since I last posted where I cut myself, but lately I've been doing soooo well. I've told my mom or someone when I get dangerous thoughts and I get myself out of a situation where I'd do something stupid.
I've been really happy lately, although I've had some issues with being around lots of people. *shrug* You win some, you lose some... But lately, I'm bi-WINNING. ;) Anyone who gets that reference gets a biiig hug. Bwahaha.
Anyway, I'll try to post more soon! Love you and thaaank you for reading. <3
That being said, life is fabulous lately. My panic attacks are being kept to a minimum and I'm going to the regular high school for one class a day. My hair has been growing out and I've had to get it reshaped a couple of times. I had a mullet. It was disgusting, hahaha.
Yeah! I've been playing guitar a lot, which is mega fun. I've been learning a lot of new stuff and writing, although honestly most of my stuff is really depressing. I'm getting there, though. Once I get out of this whole "Being happy is really weird" thing, I'll be able to write about more lighthearted topics.
I've had a couple episodes since I last posted where I cut myself, but lately I've been doing soooo well. I've told my mom or someone when I get dangerous thoughts and I get myself out of a situation where I'd do something stupid.
I've been really happy lately, although I've had some issues with being around lots of people. *shrug* You win some, you lose some... But lately, I'm bi-WINNING. ;) Anyone who gets that reference gets a biiig hug. Bwahaha.
Anyway, I'll try to post more soon! Love you and thaaank you for reading. <3
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Life is Not Always Easy, But Music Is
So I've got cottage cheese hands right now. It's kinda gross ish, but it's because I'm cold.
Anyway! It's winter break! Woooo! Christmas was good, etc. etc.
Ah, to think of the important stuff. I've been playing guitar like, nonstop almost. I've been having panic attacks semi-regularly. Oh, my doctor changed my meds last time I went which was about two weeks ago? Two and a half? I can't remember. But she changed my meds. I've been playing backgammon like crazy and I haven't been sleeping worth a darn.
So that is pretty much my life. I will make a sincere effort to post more often and let you know what's going on as it's happening.
My rant today is on respect. Respect is something that a lot of people lack and something that even more expect to get without earning it.
In my opinion, respect -must- be earned, no matter who you are. Granted, a certain baseline measure of respect is granted to all people because they are human, all objects because they have worth to somebody, all animals because they have feelings, and all of nature because it is a complicated web that is heavily cause and effect and food chain. You don't screw up the food chain. Period.
Back to respect. There's a baseline measure of respect, right? For the most part, that stays the same from human to human. Don't kill each other, don't eat each other's food without permission, don't pee in people's shoes, etc. That's just kind of expected.
However, after that baseline, respect needs to be earned. Respect can be given to a stranger in a large amount because they are a stranger and you expect them to give you the same amount. If that does not happen, you adjust your level and keep going.
What frustrates me are the people who think that they can disrespect people and get away with it, especially people in authority positions. I think some parents think that just because they're parents, they deserve a giant amount of respect. I agree with this, to a degree. Parents are parents, and even if you don't agree with them, you need to do as they say.
The problems come when parents scream at their kids constantly, and expect them not to scream back. Parents need to treat their kids like human beings. If you don't like someone to do something to you, WHY do you do it to your kids? I mean, sometimes, it's necessary. You don't like people scolding you, but you have to scold your kids. Okay, sure. That makes sense. But if you don't like someone interrupting you when you're speaking or rolling their eyes, then why do you do it?
I've seen this happen more than once with more than one family. The parents (normally lazy micro-managers themselves) mock the children and scream and yell and expect the kids to sit there and take it, and then do -exactly- what the parents say. That's not how it works! If you don't give your kids that baseline amount of respect, they're not going to give it to you.
And here lies a big problem for a lot of people. They don't give the people they love respect, so why should they respect people they -don't- love or even themselves? Respect is a big deal.
I challenge everyone to think before they act. Seriously think about how you treat the people in your life that you love dearly and put yourself in their shoes. Objectively decide whether you treat them the way they want to be treated or if you're not treating them well. Even if they don't treat you with respect, try and be nice to them for just a day or two, even if it's hard. You may be surprised at the outcome.
I, personally, have to remember to respect David. I love him to death, but sometimes I can get mean. I try to give my mother respect, but it's not too difficult because she gives it to me, first.
So there is your homework. My homework for now is to work on loving myself for who I am. It's difficult, but every day I get better at it. Today, I looked in the mirror and thought, "I look beautiful today," without scolding myself or saying something mean to myself about being vain. I just looked good today. Period. I'm getting closer to my goal every day.
Anyway! It's winter break! Woooo! Christmas was good, etc. etc.
Ah, to think of the important stuff. I've been playing guitar like, nonstop almost. I've been having panic attacks semi-regularly. Oh, my doctor changed my meds last time I went which was about two weeks ago? Two and a half? I can't remember. But she changed my meds. I've been playing backgammon like crazy and I haven't been sleeping worth a darn.
So that is pretty much my life. I will make a sincere effort to post more often and let you know what's going on as it's happening.
My rant today is on respect. Respect is something that a lot of people lack and something that even more expect to get without earning it.
In my opinion, respect -must- be earned, no matter who you are. Granted, a certain baseline measure of respect is granted to all people because they are human, all objects because they have worth to somebody, all animals because they have feelings, and all of nature because it is a complicated web that is heavily cause and effect and food chain. You don't screw up the food chain. Period.
Back to respect. There's a baseline measure of respect, right? For the most part, that stays the same from human to human. Don't kill each other, don't eat each other's food without permission, don't pee in people's shoes, etc. That's just kind of expected.
However, after that baseline, respect needs to be earned. Respect can be given to a stranger in a large amount because they are a stranger and you expect them to give you the same amount. If that does not happen, you adjust your level and keep going.
What frustrates me are the people who think that they can disrespect people and get away with it, especially people in authority positions. I think some parents think that just because they're parents, they deserve a giant amount of respect. I agree with this, to a degree. Parents are parents, and even if you don't agree with them, you need to do as they say.
The problems come when parents scream at their kids constantly, and expect them not to scream back. Parents need to treat their kids like human beings. If you don't like someone to do something to you, WHY do you do it to your kids? I mean, sometimes, it's necessary. You don't like people scolding you, but you have to scold your kids. Okay, sure. That makes sense. But if you don't like someone interrupting you when you're speaking or rolling their eyes, then why do you do it?
I've seen this happen more than once with more than one family. The parents (normally lazy micro-managers themselves) mock the children and scream and yell and expect the kids to sit there and take it, and then do -exactly- what the parents say. That's not how it works! If you don't give your kids that baseline amount of respect, they're not going to give it to you.
And here lies a big problem for a lot of people. They don't give the people they love respect, so why should they respect people they -don't- love or even themselves? Respect is a big deal.
I challenge everyone to think before they act. Seriously think about how you treat the people in your life that you love dearly and put yourself in their shoes. Objectively decide whether you treat them the way they want to be treated or if you're not treating them well. Even if they don't treat you with respect, try and be nice to them for just a day or two, even if it's hard. You may be surprised at the outcome.
I, personally, have to remember to respect David. I love him to death, but sometimes I can get mean. I try to give my mother respect, but it's not too difficult because she gives it to me, first.
So there is your homework. My homework for now is to work on loving myself for who I am. It's difficult, but every day I get better at it. Today, I looked in the mirror and thought, "I look beautiful today," without scolding myself or saying something mean to myself about being vain. I just looked good today. Period. I'm getting closer to my goal every day.
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