Happy birthday?

I've been horrid about keeping up this blog. I'll try to do better, promise.

So school started. The first week, not bad. Only minor incidents, and on Friday, I had no panic attacks. :D Monday... Well, I don't honestly remember. Tuesday, I was so anxious I didn't go to school. I was so anxious it hurt... It hurt my stomach, my head, my muscles, everything. Wednesday, I attempted school but went home during first period because I had such a horrible panic attack.

Thursday, today, my birthday, I didn't go to school. I got dressed, I started to put on my make up, and had a panic attack. I went upstairs to talk to Mom and she was like, "If you can't do it, you can't do it." So I didn't go to school.

Guess who spent their birthday feeling like a failure? *points to self* Yep.

I guess my day got a little better when I went to see Dad. After that, I went to Red Lobster with mom and David. That was actually pretty fun... There was some good conversation and people sang to me. It was embarrassing and funny ((:

Then I came home and worked on a project. Everything was going swell until I ran out of tape. Now I'm freaking out because my project isn't done, it was due Wednesday, and I'm out of tape. Shit.

My logical mind (the one I should be listening to) says that in the morning, I can go to WalGreens before school, take fifteen minutes, and finish up this project. The not-so-logical side of me says a bunch of what-ifs and I'm freaking out.

So now I'm thinking about school tomorrow. P.E. isn't going to be good. I don't like P.E., I don't do well in P.E., and I'm anxious in P.E.. When I work out at school, my body produces adrenaline (like when I'm having a panic attack), and I freak out. Not fun. So I'm getting my class changed to Music Appreciation. We'll see how this goes.

I'm working on some creative things, too. Like right now, I'm knitting, doing needlepoint, drawing frequently, and writing music. Is it helping? I dunno. But I'm knitting booties so my feet won't be cold in the basement. (:

I believe this is enough of an update for tonight. So, goodnight. ((: